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The beauty in 'negative' friends

The beauty in 'negative' friends

Okay, so some of you are wondering "what the heck?" right?

You have seen the Facebook and Instagram posts that say,

"Spend time with people that BUILD YOU UP, not TEAR YOU DOWN"

"Ain't got time for negative people"


And the basic idea is that you should not spend time or energy on people that are negative or just don't make you feel good about yourself. Spend time with people that want to see you succeed and care about you.

And while I think it is true that we should all strive to find friends that genuinely care about us, I think it is a bit presumptuous to say, "I only spend my energy on people who are positive". 

I guess the reason I think this is because, in spite of this being a beauty blog and the fact that I love to find beauty everywhere - let's face it, it's not all pretty all the time! I got my ugly side and sometimes it's in the form of being "negative". And I get it when people have a sort of cynical point of view, so I just don't know how I feel about eliminating them from my life in order to promote positivity...

I think to myself, if you are, in fact, a positive person, what merit is there to surrounding yourself with purely positive people? Aren't we here to make the world better? How are we doing that if all the positive people gather in one corner, while the negative people another?

Seriously - if you are a positive thinking person, a real one: won't you even see the positive in ..... wait for it.... the negative person? 

As a mostly positive thinker, I like to think how lovely it would be to be the light of hope for those who live in darkness!

I'm not saying you have to be BFFs, but to turn your back on them would most likely solidify their negative worldview.

Please don't misunderstand. I want you to have friends that bring out the best - and we should also have friends that bring out the best in us. There are some people that perhaps are just way too destructive, out-right mean and really need a serious time out. I agree that in those cases, limited exposure to them might be the only solution.

What I'm talking about here are people that many will consider 'negative' simply because they are cynical, blunt, or critical.

These people might not have the nicest way of telling us our truths and perhaps we just disagree on how we see things. I feel like these 'negative'-labeled types get the boot too early, especially when it comes to first impressions. And I guess I dare to challenge you to take a minute to see what they are really made of...

Because if there's one thing I've learned, I am beyond not-perfect; that is, I've got plenty of room to grow myself. How do I know what I might call "them tearing me down" might just be a blunt hard truth lesson for me?

They deserve friends too - real friends that can see past their 'negativity' and perhaps see 'lessons learned' instead.

Many of those that are usually labeled as 'negative' or 'tearing down' are people that have really struggled. They have had a different life experience. I'm not here to say that everyone who has had hardship will be that way - in fact, cynics come in all shapes and sizes. But they see something in the human experience that has shaped their thinking into being a bit more demanding of others (and most likely, themselves as well).

It has been through these kind of friends - those that tell me it will never work, and that I don't know what I'm talking about, that challenge me to better prepare myself, improve, and even understand how I might not be a walk in the park all the time either. And I'm ok with it. Why? Because this makes it so much easier to be around people that typically would annoy me! I'm like, "Hey, I'm actually that person, to someone else!" It's both crazy to realize and humbling.

Cause we need all perspectives in this world, including the ones we don't like.

And hence, the beauty in those that challenge and make us doubt our infallible charm. Don't let them crush your spirit - but allow theirs to fly, when they see that you give them love anyway, and for all we know, make them doubt - even for a second - their negative worldview, and see a speck of light, and - could it be - Optimism...?


Beyond tolerance

Beyond tolerance

Of empathy and listening

Of empathy and listening